No... actually, I DON'T have to understand....

Something is on my mind today.... Society sucks ass....

I suppose I need to qualify that, however I just wanted to put it out... right there, for anyone to see and I don't care if you like it, I don't have to understand how someone could take that wrong.

I say that society sucks ass because as of late some things have really been wreaking havoc on my mind.  There are some statements that I know you have all heard, and probably even stated at some point in your life, maybe even this week, or possibly TODAY.

Nice guys finish last
You need to be the bigger person
sucker for punishment
Bad things happen to good people...
only the good die you.

I am angry today, I am angry that I am a nice guy.  I am sick to death of being the bigger person, I'm good, BRING IT ON!

These statements were obviously created so that the "good" could explain the shitty people in the world.  The people who will cry and wine for attention... the people who are passive aggressive, never showing their true colors and even when they do, somehow convincing people that they aren't shitty people...  If you are reading this and you are that person, you know that you are... and yet you walk around behaving like a victim.

Nice guys do finish last... why?  why do the cruel guys finish first? Is it because they are not afraid to take out the nice guys to get what they want... and we, as a society, allow this?  Why do we tell those who have been wronged and just want a second to stand up for themselves, to stop being trodden all over that they need to be "the bigger person"... because society says to let the bad guys go.... is it because their bad behavior  is so bad that society as a whole just wants the bad gone so urgently that we will sit quietly on the side and allow the "littler" person go and tread on another?    Is it really not "worth it" for the downtrodden to stand up for themselves?  to feel as though they are NOT victims?  Why should that person who has been held under the thumb of cruelty be the "bigger" person?  By these statements, we should expect that the shitty people in the world should be rewarded by a free and clear path to success while the "bigger" victims continue being victimized by keeping quiet about the cruelty of others.

Why is someone who loves with their heart, who opens up and is vulnerable a "sucker for punishment"?  Why should being a  loving person make you a sucker?  and what is it about society that we need to PUNISH people who love?  Why are good, loving, kind people looked down upon and people who don't feel deeply are revered?   

Why don't Bad things happen to Bad people?  Why do the good people pay for this? These statements anger me because they imply that this is JUST the way it is... yet we, society, determines how the world works... it doesn't just happen... Bad things happen to everyone, sometimes these bad things happen to INNOCENT people because other people are BAD and they need to hurt others.  Obviously natural disasters, famine, war happen to everyone... good and bad... That said, we all know when we state that bad things happen to good people it is to excuse something MAN MADE (or woman made... never let it be said I am sexist) that is happening to an innocent... a "bigger" person...

The bad things that we refer to that happen to these innocent people are usually things that can be prevented but for the cruelty of others.  A single mother working for a tyrant is "downsized" because she doesn't want to stay late... that's a bad thing happening to a good person... a disgruntled student lies and has a teacher investigated for illegal immoral behavior when they didn't like the grade they were given... again... bad things.. happening to a good person... a victim of social stigma is ostracized for his mental health problems, and left to live on the streets... good person... bad thing happening...  An abusive person derailing the healing of their victim... BAD person causing a BAD thing to happen to a good person.... Bad things don't JUST happen...

I am tired of being a good person... of understanding, of "getting it".  I am sick to death of being the bigger person and walking away while people systematically destroy MY character because I am a sucker for punishment.  I want to finish FIRST....not last... and  I fully intend to live to a ripe old age (I quit smoking didn't I?)

I am a good person and as of today, I am going to make it my mission in life to let the GOOD people know that they are good... because I am tired of watching good people cry silently while bad people are praised.  To all of you bad people... IT'S ON. 

I hate you facebook

So... I have decided that I can't stand FACEBOOK... I know, everyone says that all the time, but I am TOTALLY serious.

I hate that I use it... I hate that I have connections, I hate that it is great for keeping in touch, or feeling like I exist.  I hate that I know people on it and I hate that I don't.  I hate that it feels like a friend and yet an enemy... I hate that facebook welcomes me to post, to talk, to chat, to invite people who don't say hello to me in every day life to parties that they probably ahve no interest in attending... I hate that when I am feeling good I brag on facebook and when I feel down I post cryptic messages hoping for a notice from someone to say that I am real.

I hate the phone, and the internet... though I use both so much.  I hate that I can't process my feelings or figure anything out without the help of Google and Facebook, Twitter and myspace... basically I hate technology.

I hate that I want to go back to simpler times when though the world was behind, if you were feeling down, you sought out a friend who you saw often and sat down with them and cried, or you sent out those little paper things... ya know... invitations to things... with RSVP cards and an extra envelope... I hate that I want those days back...

I hate that once I put something out there, even if only for a second, just for a feeling that I matter but it is there, it is out, it is open for scrutiny or pity, empathy or sympathy, judgment or criticism....that it can't be taken back.

I hate that I feel so out of touch, so incapable of processing life in my head.... people used to do that... use their minds, not ask the 300 "friends" whom they don't talk to and who don't even know their cats names...  I hate this need I have for approval... for confirmation...

and I hate that I can't take that hate back...