Smoking pot

I think that that title is a bit misleading... this is more about choices and chances and decisions I suppose.

Smoking pot comes into it for sure :) 

Over the past few months, as most of you know, I have been making some changes in my life, making healthy choices, things that will carry me forward into the new year on a different level emotionally and spiritually.  I attend church on Sundays.....yes... church.... even though I am gay, I KNOW God loves me and I attend church because it fulfills a need in me and I am proud to go, and openly admit that I say special prayers in times of need, whether it be my need or someone else's. 

I believe that I have come to the place in my life where I am for a purpose... A way perhaps, for me to grow up and evolve into the person I want to be rather than the person that circumstances dictates.

I ended an unhealthy relationship, and with that ending, I lost a lot of people whom I thought were my friends.  They were not my friends, though I had afforded them that title, through lack of loyalty, they proved that they are not worthy of that special place.  I realize that those people were people brought into my life so that I could see what is healthy and what isn't.  So that I could recognize healthy friendships, loyalty, and honesty on the most straight forward level.. Offered to me by people who stand to gain nothing by befriending me.  They do not have ulterior motives for this friendship, but they have shown me that they belong here.

I have downsized much of my home with the assistance of some spectacular friends who live in my complex.  I reduced the debt in my life by 30% along with reducing the electricity, gas and services that we use... I have limited the times I buy lunch, opting again for somthing home cooked, and only turning to store bought when it is a treat.

I have cleaned my home... cleaned the clutter and negativity... honestly, there is still MORE clutter, but I am the child of a hoarder, clutter isn't TERRIBLE... it is clean and not useless stuff so I accept this failing (we did discuss my trouble with cleaning lol). 

I quit smoking the other day.  This was a pretty healthy thing to do and I am SO happy that I have done it.  I always said if I could make it the first 48 hours, I would be ok... I am on hour 60 now... I'm good.  I don't even WANT a smoke...

Now, there are 2 other things that I have been working toward... 1) getting some more exercise... .I used to go to West Coast Swing dancing, however, like the Lesbian community, there is DRAMA and jealousy int he dance community and I don't GET it, don't want to get it and have stepped away from the whole mess.   So, I registered for Yoga tomorrow after work... wish me luck people!!!  My neighbor has stated that Yoga is good for your mental health, and since I am working on improving so many different parts of me, to learn who I am and to see and set my boundaries and limits, getting in touch with my chi (or touching my chi, or what have you)  I deeply believe, will be healthy for me.

The last thing is smoking Pot.  It's funny actually, not in a haha way, but funny as in curious...

I have been thinking about the fact that I smoke weed, for a long time.  I mean, I go weeks sometimes without getting high.  I go on vacation, don't know anyone who has it, don't care about it... if I am home or going dancing or such, I may smoke pot... I don't always, it is a take it or leave it kind of thing.  If I am with a group of people who don't do it, I dont do it... which leads me to really look at my pot smoking habit in earnest.

I have seen drugs ruin people's lives... I am not one to do ANYTHING to access.... so, pot smoking, like most things, is something I have traditionally done for shits and giggles... not something i HAVE to do, or want to do, sometimes i will quit for weeks, just because I want to.... so that begs the question.... why do I still smoke pot?  I mean... I don't smoke all the time.... why not just step away from it?  I quit smoking cig's and correct me if I am wrong, but the smoke from pot is probably just as, or close to just as bad for your health (no nicotine, butt there are other things... whether mental health patients, people with addictive personalities... basically bad stuff/guys)... Pot can be the gateway drug, I have always believed that, though not the way that the propaganda is distributed... there are too many facts and hints and leaks that point to something curious about the way the drugs/court cases have been going..  With the amount of people who are responsible for other people, for businesses and so forth, and they smoke weed, I find this interesting, but then I see the second wave... the younger people, my kids' ages, who smoke weed, and that makes me stop and take stock of where I am on this scale. 

So I have started to look at it... when do I smoke weed, what do I get out of it, how often do I smoke it, why do i smoke it... does it fix anything, does it repair anything, does it REALLY take me away from the shitty place i am dealing with a shitty situation??? 

I have to be honest, I have SERIOUSLY considered quitting smoking weed.... Not because someone said i have to.... though someone's not smoking kind of speeds up the process a bit.... because honestly, I have had women tell me that I can't smoke weed, meanwhile they drink their faces off (i don't really drink and don't like people who get really drunk)... so... then it became "well, u drink"... but now it has become... "why do i do this" all over again.

I recently spoke to someone whom I think is interesting... pot is something that is not an option if that is a road I want to travel... and I have been asking myself as of late, just how important it is to me to smoke weed.... Is it more important than getting to know someone?  Is it more important than saving money?  Is it more important than my health (if i have quit CIGARETTES, IT WOULD BE STUPID TO CONTINUE SMOKING WEED)....what is the draw to my teen game?  I haven't been a dedicated pot smoker for a long time, though I have smoked it and think to each their own.... is now, with all my other health changes... is this another one of the things in my life that I am changing right now...


I'm pretty sure it is. And I feel pretty damn good about it