I have been really looking at my friends, and my interpretation of the term "friend" and what that means to me as opposed to what it means to others.... We all have different ideas of friendship and what that entails, however this is about me and what kind of person I am and my beliefs around that.
We've all heard about the dreaded "all about me" friend... you know, that person whom you can spend time with, hang out with, talk to on the phone/internet in person but you KNOW deep down inside they don’t' actually give a damn about what you are saying.... in reality, all they are interested in is having you listen to what they are saying about their own lives... You can visibly see the interest fade from their eyes, the glazing effect so obvious that half way through your important/heart breaking story, your happy, proud moment trailing off as you realize you are wasting your time because whatever you are speaking of has NOTHING to do with the "all about me" friend...
Then there's the "pity me" friend, who actually differs from the "all about me" friend who in reality only notices who they are themselves... the "pity me" friend will complain about EVERYTHING... even things that really aren't a big deal... If you point out that actually, that isn't a big deal and really not something to be feeling sorry for yourself about, then you are not sympathetic and are usually met with the "I don't know why I even talk to you about it" statement. When you base your friendship on honesty, you can't win with this friend unless you lie... and that doesn't really sit well does it?
There's the "I know" friend who knows EVERYTHING, all that you are experiencing, all that is going on in your life... this friend (I have been this friend) is annoying to a whole different level, because sometimes you don't want to hear about how so and so figured out that your kid is doing drugs before u did, this points out, inside somewhere a failure on your part... or triggers one at the very least. The "I know" friend is often referred to as the "know it all" friend. Somehow this friend can link your cat's urinary tract infection to some article that they read that applied to every animal they ever had so there is something wrong with YOU for not listening to their "educated" opinion. It doesn't even have to matter that the only thing in common in this situation is that you both have a cat... this friend knows it all...
There's the "center of attention" friend... not to be mistaken for either the "pity me" or the "all about me" friends because the center of attention friend makes EVERYONE pay attention to them all the time, sometimes going so far as to stop what everyone is doing so that all attention is glued to them... they may even tell you how much you love them, how funny they are, how cute, how well rounded... (DEFINITELY HAVE BEEN THIS FRIEND)... the "center of attention" friend doesn't really pay attention to you, but grabs on to certain things you say, interrupts you while you are speaking to point out something vaguely in common to start their own tangent. This friend looks for situations where most people's attention is on one thing; they somehow take that one thing out of the picture, and then make it all about being the center of attention.
There's the "non-committal" friend... DEFINITELY been this friend... they don't' commit to anything. Sometimes there are valid reasons (finances, conflicting date) but sometimes they just don't' want to spend time with you but don't know how to tell you... perhaps they only "tolerate" you and committing to spending time with you in an environment not of their choosing (because perhaps you are the all about me friend) is not something they are prepared to do.
There's also the "can you do me a favor" friend... it seems as though you are only in their life for what you can do FOR them?!?! If you ask them for a favor it is a free for all because you asked... because "remember that time you needed x and y... good thing I was there" The "can you do me a favor" friend is pretty crafty in calling in said favors... by the time they call it in you have been lulled into thinking that they did you that favor out of the "goodness of their heart" but you notice that they only call on you when you are needed and that you have to work 3 times as hard to make up for that favor they once granted you because their back is bad and they STILL helped you out that time....
There's the "one who you aren’t' even sure why you are friends" friend... perhaps it is just because you don't know how to remove them from your life without making a huge big deal about it... You made the mistake of considering too many people friends and by the time you are ready to grow up and remove people whom you don't really like from your life, suddenly they decide you are the best friend they ever had... are so hurt that they cry and talk shit about you in the community because you were selfish...meanwhile, you have discovered that you eat only meat, they are vegan, you believe in gender roles, they don't; you smoke pot, they don't; they are heavy drinkers, that's not your scene.... and yet you keep them in your life because so many people you both know that you are friends so stopping having them in your life means that you keep a "friend" on FB because social media NOTIFIES people when you want to remove them.... WTF...
The "indifferent" friend just simply doesn't give a shit... they can be the same person as the friend you aren't sure why you are friends with friend... because really... they don't care one way or the other. Most times, the indifferent friend can be found agreeing with your FRENEMY on what a shitty person YOU are... but only behind your back because NONE of these people actually care one way or the other.... to your face the "indifferent" friend doesn't actually stand up for anything, they go with the flow and don't really deeply care about how things are going other than surface deep...Most indifferent friends don't know that they are indifferent.... they simply don't care....
"Frenemies" are friends to your face and enemies behind your back.... they are the friend who will talk shit about you to anyone and everyone who will listen but deny it when confronted by you. They always have a valid reason why they were having this conversation with other people and somehow they were standing up for you to all these OTHER people who were talking about you and they are pretty sure that "everyone" knew how angry they were for the things that were being said.... Frenemies feign innocence when they believe that you are a liar, because they lie all the time, so they assume everyone else does too... they will BRAG about hating you, behind your back but will be greatly offended that you thought that they would say bad stuff about you.... I don't believe that I am anyone's frenemy... I tend to like people and if I don't, I ask people I do like how to get rid of people I DON'T like from my life...
Over the past few years I have had to really examine my definitition of friendship and reassess if I am the kind of friend I would want to have in my life. It turns out, sometimes I am a bitch... sometimes I wouldn't speak to me because I am the "all about me" friend... other times I am the “indifferent” friend... I can be your "I know" friend because I have lots of knowledge, so if that means I have to bestow my awesomeness to someone less knowledgeable I will do that ( I have 2 children, and boy and a girl... they are teenagers... I know A LOT about kids from birth to 17... Some is tied in with stuff I don't like, but nonetheless... my suggestions may be knowledgeable. I could be "center of attention" friend, and find most of the time I am that person.. I'm loud and silly... I am used to being the center of attention!!! I am guilty of being the “non-committal” friend because I never really know from one moment to the next what I can do on a given day… stuff comes up… and I suppose, in reality, I have been a “frenemy” too because there are people who you know, and you KNOW that you can’t make them angry, or they will drag you down… so I will feign friendship to avoid being the person that they are currently bashing…
So I suppose for the next few days/weeks/months in my journey of self discovery, I need to figure out which friend I like the best, so that I can be that friend.... Not so sure I want to be most of these friends... but life would be boring if we didn't shake stuff up....
Until I figure it out, I will be the honest friend who doesn't mean to make things about me, I am not trying to be indifferent, and I just don't know what to say... I "know" too much sometimes, but like to give advice, listen or don't, it is up to you.... If I am the "do me a favor" friend (I have TOTALLY been this friend... I have some stuff needing done currently) I will at least OFFER compensation... not a favor in the future, but I will pay you whether with food or items, not with money.... but I'm a single mom...so I can't always pay but if I can pay you back, by all means, let's work something out... usually I will make you a kick ass dinner!! I am trying really hard not to be the "pity me" friend but honestly, I have been pretty sad lately, but I am working on dealing with that on my own, because I KNOW it gets old... fast....
I guess... I will simply try to be the best friend I can possibly be, and hope that that is good enough.
Whooooooaaaa, Wanda! LOL ... I have been the 'I know' friend (gets worse as you get older, too, b/c you DO know) ... and often have to be the 'non-comm' for my own health, dang it (which leads to the FOMO syndrome - Fear of Missing Out) ... and have utterly failed at the 'Do Me a Favour' ... we all just want to be heard, understood, accepted, valued in some way ... unless we're of the hopeless 'shallow end' folk ... AWKWARD ... Rock on, DD.
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