Shut the closet door

Ok, so noone will really be surprised that I am writing about this... and well, if you are... that's silly.  I LOVE to spread my opinion like peanut butter..... and simply disregard allergies....

Recently Ms. Jodi Foster "came out" ish... on the Golden Globes....  and well.... this has caused MASSIVE problems... as you can see on the link... people are... once again... throwing their 2 cents worth in

But I am stuck on this... I love Jodi Foster as much as the next girl loving girl... as I love Queen Latifah... who may OR MAY NOT be gay.... but... since when is THEIR sexual preference MY business?  Since when do I have the RIGHT to know about their sex lives?  Fact is... Johnny Depp, may OR MAY NOT be gay... and you know what?  I don't know... I don't know because it isn't MY business....

What kind of world do we live in that because someone makes good movies, or sings well, that automatically decides that they have no right to privacy?  A famous athlete... again... their business, not ours.... and they should be able to decide who they tell and we should probably mind our own business.

See, I have long thought about this, and thought along these lines... Look at poor Britney Spears... not a lesbian no... but her ENTIRE LIFE is on display CONSTANTLY and this theory that because you want to sing or be in a movie you are the property of the masses is just bullshit.  When Britney Spears LOST HER SHIT.... people talked about that all the time... I did not... there was some good and some bad publicity based on her losing it.... now don't get me wrong... she DEFINITELY lost the plot... but instead of judging her I simply put myself in her shoes.... she has been on stage, in movies and films since she was a little kid.... and don't all little girls at SOME POINT want to be a movie star or a Pop singer???  *let me qualify... LOTS OF, not necessarily ALL little girls.... (fuck this politically correct thing)... so does that mean that when our little girls say "mommy, I want to be a movie star" we should be sitting them down and explaining to them that from the moment they step on stage till they DIE.... their lives are PUBLIC FODDER????  That they are no longer allowed to pick their friends based on friendship, but based on the level of positive feedback on some bloody blogger's site? 

I will tell you straight out, right this minute, were I more famous than I am (I get recognized at Safeway and in public bathrooms... it's GREAT... but I digress) and the Paparazzi starts shooting pictures of me in everything that I do... I'm going to make it worth their while.. and NOTHING I do will be based on reality...  because, we as the public are jerks.... we are selfish, self centered and looky-loos.... let's not deny it... When you are in the cash line at the grocery store, do you read the headlines on the magazines?  Do YOU try to figure out who gained X amount of pounds?  Do you have Entertainment weekly on your PVR?  Have you read the Star/Globe/Personal invasion newspapers???  How much does Kirstie Alley weigh?  Who's panties or lack there of are you looking for???

Now put yourself in THEIR shoes?  Think about it... the other day I slept in... I put a toque over my messy hair, wore sweatpants and a shirt with a mark on it to work... and didn't have a chance to shower... Make up?!?!?!  REALLY?!?!?!?!?  I had to pee so bad the other day, I did it... I pulled over next to a bush and I did so.... my kid pissed me off in public and yea... I not only shouted at him but I'm pretty sure I called him a fucker too....   sometimes I have to put groceries back b/c I am broke and when I was a kid, I stole a pair of socks and a pack of pencil crayons from Army and Navy and my whole family got caught.... yup... and no one was there to take my picture.... because i don't matter... because I am not in movies...

But I think what people don't take into consideration is the fact that these celebrities... yea, ok, they are GREAT at what they do, but they don't' BELONG to us.... We don't have the RIGHT to know their everything... and were we in their shoes, I am sure that we would all agree.... Recently a friend of mine who is in the closet at her own request at work was outed by a family member... and I talked to her right afterwards... Now, I pointed out that the family member probably didn't think about any damage that they might be doing.... but as my friend pointed out... it wasn't her FAMILY'S place to out her... yet because Jodi Foster denied being gay for her own reasons, in the past, and came out to who she wanted WHEN she wanted people are going to get on her case?  WHY???    Don't get me wrong, I am as thankful as the next GBLTQ2S person for the public outing of Ellen (who chose to do so on her OWN TERMS) and other gay and lesbian actors... but I also respect their right to keep their private life PRIVATE... just like I have the right... Just like my friend had the right.... because it is THEIR business... it isn't mine.  Just because I watched a movie with Jodi Foster or listen to MIKA or saw sports that Wade Davis played in does NOT give me the right to see into their homes and bedrooms.

I say cool beans to Ms. Foster... I say COOL to MIKA for coming out and hey Mr. Davis... well done... however.... I also want to extend to all of you my support in having your private life be as private as mine is.... I don't care if you gained or lost weight... I don't give a damn if you aren't wearing make up, if you forgot your panties... it MAY be breezy up there.... if you are gay... cool... unless you are interested in me.. I don't care anymore than you care that I am gay (ok, if Queen Latifah is gay, i CARE... straight up.... humina humina... that's a whole different blog though) BUT..... I want to let you know... i recognize that under the make up, inside the panties, no matter who you are sleeping with... you are a human being too, and being famous doesn't mean that I think your shit is my business.

coming through hatred

Your coming out stories         

Recently I was privileged enough to read someone’s coming out story.  I am floored.  I am a “lucky” one.  Me being gay didn’t matter to anyone.

My heart is torn with feeling, with anger at people for hurting others in the name of ignorance!  I am hurting.. Hurting that others, people whom I am lucky enough to have in my life have been degraded and hurt because of who they are when it should not matter!  I am deep down ashamed… Ashamed of the human race and lack of compassion in a group of humans….

I don’t have a special coming out story.  I didn’t have a moment when I went “aha” and knew I was gay… yes, honestly, making love with a woman EXPLAINED SOOOO MUCH… but it wasn’t a big deal.  In the greater scheme of things, my sexual exploits were the least of my mother’s worries… My father didn’t quite know but then again, he didn’t NOT know either, we simply never discussed it.  He didn’t want to know about my sex life anymore than I wanted to know about his so it didn’t exist.

Since then I have “come out” I suppose, but not really.  I have made no effort to share with the world the fact that I am gay, though I make no effort to hide it.  who I sleep with, whom I love, whom I choose to share my life with is none of anyone’s business but mine and the one whom I choose.  That said… I hear and read and learn the struggles that some of my friends have gone through, the level of impersonal and downright hurtful family and friends in this world brings tears of frustration to my eyes.

I suppose, being me, I may have people dislike me but I don’t notice.  Fact is… I don’t care, I assume everyone likes me, and everyone wants to know that I LOVE women, that I masturbate, that I hate kids, that I am constantly shocked by how messy/angry/belligerent/rude/stupid/idiotic/fun/funny/loving people are.  I honestly don’t’ notice if it is the dreaded TMI, however reading and hearing and thinking about other people’s coming out stories just floors me in the sense that there are still people who are THIS ridiculous!

I see how family members disown their family as though who their child/sister/brother/mother/father is has suddenly become someone not worthy of love on the basis of what they do in bed.  What gets me is that these people don’t REALLY break this shit down.  That’s what they are angry about… YOU DISOWNED YOUR KID BECAUSE YOU DON’T LIKE HOW HE FUCKS!..... How can these people not see the ridiculousness of it.  It isn’t because of who your son/daughter/friend LOVES… they love YOU… if you are a brother, or a friend or a father or a son, you LOVE ANOTHER MAN.  If you are a mother or a sister or a daughter or a aunt, you have LOVED ANOTHER WOMAN… what the fricken issue is boils down to what your family/friend does IN BED.

Well, let me just put this into perspective for you people who are so “on your high horse”…. I think what YOU DO in bed is gross TOO!  I think that your “normal” love making is boring and overbearing and repetitive.  I don’t find pleasure in it, I don’t want to see it, hear about it, be a part of it… but you know… I respect YOU enough and care about YOU enough as a human being to say that if it makes YOU happy THAT is what is important to me. 

Normally I have this lesson learning message.  I start out with what is bothering me, and end with something positive, thought provoking and uplifting and yet today I find myself unable to do it.  Unable to learn a lesson from the hatred of others.  I find myself unable to positively twist and turn this information, this seldom talked about subject.  I find nothing in here…. I am hurting…. Hurting for girls like Mallory and boys like Matthew.  I find myself aching for GLBTQ youth who are taking their lives…. Because of how petty people are… and how hurtful.  I do not wish illwell on anyone, no matter their views about whomever… I am saddened by the world in which I live in and I find myself struggling to find the sliver of light in this cloud…. It is hanging too low today.

To everyone who is being ostracized because of who you are… remember… when it is LOVE it is all the same.  When someone STOPS loving you because you don’t live the way THEY want you to, it is THEIR thing, not yours.  There is no reason to hide who you are to please them.  If they can’t hate because of this, they will find another reason.  All you can do is hold your head up high and know that some of us out there are in awe of your bravery, of your strength and of your resilience.

Thank you… for all you do.

dating sites

Ok, so earlier I wrote this big, long winded post about the word Queer, however, I have decided to think about that one before I post it, IF i post it...

but, I do have something I want to talk about almost as much as that...

Yup... you guessed it.... dating sites.

I cannot be the only one who has issues with these sites.  Ok, ya, I wouldnt have issues with them if I wasn't on them, that said, I have profiles on lots, most of the time, doesn't mean I am looking for dates, it just means that I like to type/chat with anonymous people somewhere other than in my house.... sometimes I make some GREAT friends out of the deal and sometimes I am left shaking my head.  A friend of mine recently met someone off of one of these sites... that person turned out CRAZY.... so far, I have been ok in that book... but I am always aware of the risk.  that said... my issues is not so much the people who contact you... actually, without me initiating it with words, I wouldn't ever hear from anyone....  I don't know, perhaps I am intimidating, I don't think so, but I am not looking at me objectively.... but i digress....

Now, what is particularly irritating to me on these sites is the myriad of things you have to answer in order to get matched up with people.... (there's more than just this)... i mean, I have answered THOUSANDS of questions to better equip some weird program in matching me up with some random person based on a percentage of "compatibility".... this... this is interesting, I will swear left right and center that just because my favorite ice cream is vanilla and I like to take my socks off under the sheets (long story) doesn't mean that Sarah, who also LOVES vanilla ice cream and only has sheets to catch her socks will be a good match for me.  According to at least one site, my ex and I were 82% perfect match for a forever relationship.... guess what??!??!?!?!  WRONG?!?!  We can't even be in the same room... so I guess that 18% is like a fricken mountain or something..... i mean there's 82% more water in the ocean.... but see how hard it is for the ocean to get over the rockies.... just sayin....

Don't get me wrong, I have met, and even married someone I met online, though not through a dating site... and the last man I was with I also met online, so something obviously works 82% of the time *grin*... but.... in a world that is FULL of sites, places where people virtually hang out and get to know virtual sides of everyone and everyone hides behind a keyboard, why is it none of these "matches" match me?  It certainly isn't that these sites don't SAY we are matched.... and it isn't like meeting people in public works so well... .first off, as a lesbian, try going out and just randomly asking some woman who happens to be beautiful if she likes women... TALK ABOUT HARROWING... I have trouble enough talking to women who i KNOW love women...

So OK, I hide, like others, behind the anonymity of a keyboard and get memberships on all these sites... a myriad of women are there for my choosing, the sites send me potential matches weekly (i should NEVER have trouble getting a date according to these sites)  I have wonderful pictures depicting me doing amazing things (laughing, in the ocean with my hair crazy, walking with my kids, making funny faces... contemplative, sexy look, so on and so forth) in amazing sittuations (Cuba, riding a bike, dancing) and yet no one on these damn sites talks to me.... I mean COME ON!!!  I am a pretty cool chick, if I do say so myself... and I am friendly.  I'm not like repulsive looking.... and yet, these sites, with all their matches do nothing to improve my seeing/meeting ratio...

what's worse than that.... these sites TELL YOU who looked at your profile.... and then decided NOT to talk to you.... WTF?????  Ok... so now I know that I have multiple memberships on dating sites.... for various things... I'm not trying to find the PERFECT match, but hey, getting to know some people would be nice.... and noone speaks to me, but LOTS OF people are matches to me, looked at me and said.... "meh, nah"??????  seriously???

Maybe I should just throw in the bag....