dating sites

Ok, so earlier I wrote this big, long winded post about the word Queer, however, I have decided to think about that one before I post it, IF i post it...

but, I do have something I want to talk about almost as much as that...

Yup... you guessed it.... dating sites.

I cannot be the only one who has issues with these sites.  Ok, ya, I wouldnt have issues with them if I wasn't on them, that said, I have profiles on lots, most of the time, doesn't mean I am looking for dates, it just means that I like to type/chat with anonymous people somewhere other than in my house.... sometimes I make some GREAT friends out of the deal and sometimes I am left shaking my head.  A friend of mine recently met someone off of one of these sites... that person turned out CRAZY.... so far, I have been ok in that book... but I am always aware of the risk.  that said... my issues is not so much the people who contact you... actually, without me initiating it with words, I wouldn't ever hear from anyone....  I don't know, perhaps I am intimidating, I don't think so, but I am not looking at me objectively.... but i digress....

Now, what is particularly irritating to me on these sites is the myriad of things you have to answer in order to get matched up with people.... (there's more than just this)... i mean, I have answered THOUSANDS of questions to better equip some weird program in matching me up with some random person based on a percentage of "compatibility".... this... this is interesting, I will swear left right and center that just because my favorite ice cream is vanilla and I like to take my socks off under the sheets (long story) doesn't mean that Sarah, who also LOVES vanilla ice cream and only has sheets to catch her socks will be a good match for me.  According to at least one site, my ex and I were 82% perfect match for a forever relationship.... guess what??!??!?!?!  WRONG?!?!  We can't even be in the same room... so I guess that 18% is like a fricken mountain or something..... i mean there's 82% more water in the ocean.... but see how hard it is for the ocean to get over the rockies.... just sayin....

Don't get me wrong, I have met, and even married someone I met online, though not through a dating site... and the last man I was with I also met online, so something obviously works 82% of the time *grin*... but.... in a world that is FULL of sites, places where people virtually hang out and get to know virtual sides of everyone and everyone hides behind a keyboard, why is it none of these "matches" match me?  It certainly isn't that these sites don't SAY we are matched.... and it isn't like meeting people in public works so well... .first off, as a lesbian, try going out and just randomly asking some woman who happens to be beautiful if she likes women... TALK ABOUT HARROWING... I have trouble enough talking to women who i KNOW love women...

So OK, I hide, like others, behind the anonymity of a keyboard and get memberships on all these sites... a myriad of women are there for my choosing, the sites send me potential matches weekly (i should NEVER have trouble getting a date according to these sites)  I have wonderful pictures depicting me doing amazing things (laughing, in the ocean with my hair crazy, walking with my kids, making funny faces... contemplative, sexy look, so on and so forth) in amazing sittuations (Cuba, riding a bike, dancing) and yet no one on these damn sites talks to me.... I mean COME ON!!!  I am a pretty cool chick, if I do say so myself... and I am friendly.  I'm not like repulsive looking.... and yet, these sites, with all their matches do nothing to improve my seeing/meeting ratio...

what's worse than that.... these sites TELL YOU who looked at your profile.... and then decided NOT to talk to you.... WTF?????  Ok... so now I know that I have multiple memberships on dating sites.... for various things... I'm not trying to find the PERFECT match, but hey, getting to know some people would be nice.... and noone speaks to me, but LOTS OF people are matches to me, looked at me and said.... "meh, nah"??????  seriously???

Maybe I should just throw in the bag....

You Are Here

Hello???  Hey???  Is there anyone out there?  I can't see you.  I can only see me, without  a mirror, without any preamble, I see me.

I see deep into my own eyes, see that there is something there, a spark, a cloud, something... something mysterious, uncharted.... me.  I see the world in a different way, in a way foreign to many yet so complete that I wonder how anyone else is blind to this.

You are here.  You are reading about me and my life and my thoughts and my passions.  You are getting a glimpse of the me that is inside my head.  It is a crazy place here, crazy and fun and funny, sad and melancholy and depressed.  You are here.  You are waiting, with baited breath for something or someone to tell you what you are experiencing.

I am there.  I am showing you a little bit about me, putting it out there for everyone, for no one, for me.

Caution... contents are hot. My life is soup fresh from the stove, there are painful parts, if a bit of me spills on you, rush to put it under water, wash away the pain.  My life is fresh oven baked cookies, so tempting to take a bit yet caution is thrown to the wind and you take a bite.  I took that bite, took it and burnt myself.

I am the water, lapping gently at your toes, tempting you to step in, to let me cool your feet, calm your fears.  Like the ocean I hold many secret treasures though many are not prepared for the dive.  My heart is like a natural lake, deep in some places, shallow in others, once troubled, I am murky and unclear, the clouds of my experiences rising to the surface displaying shapes and objects not quite visible yet still eye catching.  I beckon you to join me, to investigate the murkiness to your heart's content.

Where am I? I am an island, too beautiful to remain uncharted yet changed forever with the disregard of others.  Serenity is amongst the jungle of feelings and experiences, a peek of eyes glowing faintly in the night.  Alone in the world during the hurricane season of emotions and inundated with overwhelming excitement when the world has settled, only to await the weather that is feelings.

When am I?  I am your birthday, Christmas, Halloween, Mother's day, all rolled into one.  To await my arrival excitedly, to count the ways that I am special....only to find that I, like the holiday is bitter sweet.... less than expected, more than deserved.  I fill you with laughter and presents, games and frights and leave quickly in the night leaving you to awaken to another dull day.

Can you see me now?  I still can't see you, peek into my world, over my shoulder, into my mind.  Look into my eyes and see the waves of life, the vines of hurt, the taste of passion.

Sky train

I seldom drive into Vancouver. There are a couple of reasons for this... the gas in my cute little lunch buggy is ridiculous! Seriously 70 dollars to fill the tank?? I gotta take it in its making some kind of strange sound.  Another reason is that I don't like city driving. I don't want to pay parking... where I park its cheap (no I'll never tell str8 up, people keep trying to one up me on low traffic areas)... and really... sometimes I just want to be... not concentrate on other drivers trying to arrive alive!!

But yes, the sky train...that is, after all what I am writing about...

Last week I met some girls on the train... I recall their names and their faces... cloe, Susan, Ali and (shit... I lied.... I forget a name....) they were off to the Madonna concert all beautiful and young.  I wish I were young like that :-)

These beautiful girls seem to flock together don't they.... its like mercury in a thermometer isn't it??   Here they were.... Ali's red shorts and matching red lipstic.... Cloe's dark hair... the classic beauty of Susan... the girl who's name escapes me.... so beautiful.... I once knew q girl who looked like that... her name was carol... I thought... as a heavy girl, that she was a snob.... and so I avoided her... it turned out that she liked me from afar... silly assumptions. 

The girl on the end gave me the idea for this post.... as I read my Facebook pretending to ignore these beautiful girls I heard her say in a manly voice... BEFORE I BECAME A MAN"

These girls were all of the things I grew up being jealous of.... and yet in the back of my mind...carol speaks to me...reminding me that looks can be deceiving and discriminating against beautiful girls because of their beauty is the same as discriminating against me on the basis of my being heavy...

So, ladies... thank you for being beautiful... thank you for being you and thank you for reminding me that not everything is as it seems.